I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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