my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
