my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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