I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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