not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
