Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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