Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize