you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
