I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize