Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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