I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
