this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
