Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
