this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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