it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
