remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
