Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
