just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
