so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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