sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
