She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
