We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
