remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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