Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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