go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
