So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
