I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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