matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just had sex bonerless
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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