I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize