i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
