I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
