Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
