I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ketchup is God's man juice
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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