btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's just like the Real World with babies
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
