Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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