If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
