Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
