we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
