glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
