Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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