I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
