Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
