Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
