dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
