i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
