I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize