just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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