I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
