weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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