proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
