come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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