you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
