Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
