Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
