I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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