I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
