there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
