you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
