If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
