My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
