He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
