god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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