Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize