with your own penis?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
