Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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