Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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