Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
