it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
