It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
